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另一个世界白痴语录
April 04 boooo to life...There is...
...one person I love...
...one person I like...
...one person I date...
...one person I envy...
...one person I wish for...
...one song I listen to 24/7...
...one car I drive...
...one car I dream about...
...one thing I want to achieve by May...
...one personality I wish I can stick to for the rest of my life...
...one life I live in...
there is only one life...but I've fucked it up to the extreme.
oh God, oh Lord, if only you can hear my prayers!
I wish for a better day! Even if it'll be the last day of my life!
January 23 又一年……又是一年，又是一岁。此生能有几个生日？
今年的生日像是被遗忘的衣服，躲在衣柜的角落里。它能带来的快乐早就随时间的加速变成我身上的影子。
一个星期前，我还很清楚的记得生日要到了。暗自兴奋，想象着、期待着什么样的庆祝仪式。但是在还差几个小时就22岁的时候，我竟然还埋在无聊的作业里。突然电话响了，妈妈关切的语音提醒我又老了一岁，换句话说，我又成功地/幸运的熬过了一年。“生日快乐”几个字确好像是个陌生的语言，一时间我还感觉不到它的含义。
放下电话，想起从小到大我最盼望的一天就是过生日。tradition should be kept to some degree; the birthday should be celebrated. 于是我决定花一点时间以回味自己最喜欢的音乐作为自我庆祝的方式。音乐能让我忘记我的存在，它能给我世界上任何人任何物都不能给的陶醉－我想这是我能找到的最好的礼物。
听着音乐，看着时钟didi dada，对着电脑和作业开始发呆…………
音乐这个东西真是很奇妙。对于我，音乐是我最好的伴侣。高兴的时候，它和我一同庆祝。伤心的时候，它让我把郁闷痛快的哭出去。今天现在听着的音乐，正在帮我回忆这过去的一年。这一年发生了不多事情，但正因为如此，我似乎忘了自己是谁。生活的乏味让我失去了寻找激情的冲动。有时候生活像是一个透明的笼子。外面的世界如此多样，但是再努力夜冲破不了这层透明的枷锁。
我总是觉得我的生存应该有某种我未能体会到的意义。至今为止我一直在等待着它的出现。它也许只有一天，也许是一个人，也许是一件事情，但也许是我这一生。它应该代表我所追求的全部。它会让我充足，让我幸福，让我能满意的说我这辈子没白活。想象它到来的那天的我，会像是空中的小鸟，在云中穿梭，没有束缚。多彩的云朵，艳丽的景色，悦心的音乐…………
今年的生日，和每年的生日，也许是代表我要继续的等。其实每一天都像是个生日，每个都是个里程碑，说明了每个人追求最终所历经的每一步……它告诉我们不要放弃，继续努力。目标并不远，只要人肯继续。
祝我生日快乐！你离目标－它，又近了一步。 December 23 The Last VacationI've had a tired semester.
I was about a milimeter away from failing a class, which after the final, I realized it was a totally absurd assumption.
My vacation has been plain. I have nothing to do. I played mind twisting games all day long. I feel like nothing but a walking zombie.
Sometime I wish the semester starts a little early, so I can have something to do. Teachers/grades to chase after, and homeworks that chase after me. But on the other hand, I clearly remember that I prayed for the semester to end every single day during the semester.
I guess all or most students do the same thing. Although, I wish we don't have to.
I remember back in High School I used to LOVE school. Although I was always preoccupied with things to do, but they were all amusingly fun. Now in college, I just find these things hard to find. Or maybe I lost some of my interests.
The first two years of my college life has been fun, in the most unusual ways. I think I was still a kid then. Cuz I never recall doing any logical thinking.
The third year was crazy: good crazy in the first half, and bad crazy in the second.
The fourth year was and is tiring. So many things to do...
I wish my last semester can be fun again. I sent to Santa a note that I want a good end to college experience. I hope he grants my wish!
Oh Duke, should I like you or not? Should you like me or not?
Oh Duke, why Duke? After all, you're still Duke...
October 27 Out There & In Here, choose your bet!I am a drifting object, floating in mid-air.
Where shall I land? Or should I land?
Maybe I don't have to. I know I can fly up high...
...above all clouds
...through crowds of birds
...over the rainbows
...with my music
...in to my dreams
How do people live exactly?
They spend a lifetime searching for the meaning of their living.
Why should one find the meaning of living? Why should one even define the meaning of living?
Maybe because there really isn't a meaning of living?
Or you define one for yourself, so you can pretend not to be a pointless body in existence.
Sometimes into time, eventually, we all become too indulged in the process of defining ourselves, that we forget to continue the search for the so-called "meaning of life" (that which some people claim they found, and which some forgets all about unless they are being asked for it).
So this all boils down to what we are and why we are here.
I think we are no different from any other "thing" out there. Our so-called uniqueness from others, our superiorities, such as intelligence, is nothing but beliefs about the traits of ours that stand out compared to others, which we tend to believe are inferior in the subject matter.
We're just another species, that as a whole, are trying to claim our existence.
How do you know deers are not trying to prove their existence one way or another?
Maybe they are all intelligent (home schooled) souls laughing at our every stupidity when we pass them by (with our pride and prejudice towards their assumed-to-be low intelligence).
You never know, maybe birds can read your mind! (that's why they poo on you when you have a bad day, just to say "hey, I can tell!")
(Oops, topic diverged...now, back to main topic! --- is there one?)
So yes, about existence!
I remembered I used to tell my friends that we, as individuals, don't really exist until we, somehow, prove our existence to everyone's understandings and beliefs, like get our name pinched into a history book or something. (remember those "xxx was here" written on the walls of tourist attraction sites? they mean the same thing...)
But now I think about it, WHY prove it? When your mere presence is the living proof of your very existence?
Besides, you'll never make it proving your presence to every individual minds out there (including monkeys and elephants, do you even know where to find them?). And you think you succeed when you THINK everybody else has written your big fat name in the history book in their brains, which disappears when they die....how boring and tiredsome is that?
See, this all implies that, after all the hard work, what you try to do (throughout life) is to proof your self to yourself, and this is a wild and wonderous catch-22 where you keep going around driving yourself insane to prove something meaningless or nonexistent to no one else but yourself! (If you're lucky, you'll realize this on your death bed.)
So what the hell was I saying? I don't know.
One not so relevant conclusion: listen to Enigma, and you'll realize many things you've never thought of before... trust me. September 15 S-I-N...BS crap...--- The idea "sin" is defined in every person's own little minds. Those religions that make their believers believe in a somewhat common sin did so by defining for them a term, i.e. a definition, of a "sin". But that "sin" is NOT exactly the same as each person's own sin-tifications.
--- Ask yourself, what is SIN? What counts and what doesn't? When you come up with an answer, don't tell me. Go write it down somewhere so you don't forget it...
Main:
I don't like it when people, especially my friends, break my threashold of standards. I really don't! Recently, I have come across several cases when this happened. No, I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about 'you', and several of 'you'. Allow me to remind you some of the very basic standards that I (and many many others) live by:
Key Points:
respect: respect me for who I am, and don't try to change me.
play: play with me. But don't play me.
study: study with me. But don't study me. I'm not a subject of experimentation nor a science full of sophistication. For God's sake, i'm a person...
friendship: There is a reason for us being only friends. I hope you don't step out of this relationship without my permission.
love: I love you. You should know that. So don't leave without my permission.
Other Notes:
I believe that everyone has something in them that's worth respecting.
I like to know that I am being respected, and I'm sure you would too. I will hold my undiminishing respect for you if you hold your current moral standard, and don't make me despise you for something you did, or try to do, which is not honest, and not morally right.
I enjoy making others happy. Although I don't expect you to be like me, but I hope you don't try so hard to piss me off every time.
--- END ---
Remarks about this SIN-ology:
It's funny that...
Shopping is not a SIN, but if you shop tooo much, then it is a SIN.
Fishing is not a SIN, but if you fish tooo much, then it is a SIN.
but...
study is not a SIN, and even if you study tooo much, is it still NOT a SIN.
August 19 what's there?Life is so random. and so unexpected sometimes. It's like fishing. when I throw the line in the water, I don't know what to expect. What's in the water? Would my bait attrack anything? Maybe I catch a fish. Maybe I catch nothing. Maybe my bait gets eaten. Maybe it'll get tangled with a rock and get stuck, and get lost.
If I could put a camera at the hook, maybe i'll see who's been visiting. Or would I rather not to see it at all?
This is just life. I hate the unexpectedness of this routine. Bored of its pathetic paterns.
Maybe you are different. Maybe you don't care and don't even bother to think. You float with water and see what's in front of your eyes.
I wish I can be like you. But I fear.
I fear I may drown any time.
so Leave me to my lonely boat. Watch me, I sink or swim.
Live on with your life. Your happiness is all I ask. July 03 f*cking blog...f*cking IEI hate these two things, they keep erasing my blog entries. I wrote them when I got a perfect mood or when I could express myself so well, and then "error" occurs and it erases everything......)(*&^^&*()(*&^$^&*(*&^%$%^&*(*^%$....for God's sake, don't you understand all the typing is called "effort"????
assholes programs....why can't people you mozilla? why can't anything be more friendly? Why can't life be more straightforward? Why can't people be JUST a little more understanding? if not understanding, at least a bit more logical??? What's wrong with the living generation of human beings? Especially men????? What the hell is wrong with all of you??? What is wrong with me?? when morning never comesI prayed for your sunlight all through the night, until I see a glime of dawn appears at the edge of my sky. I was glad I finally lived to the moment a new day began. But then the clouds float in bringing thunders and lightening, and suddenly I lost all my hope, for your tempers brought my day into night, and dreams into fear. I wonder why... ... that only when you sleep, could I find peace and a lovely heart, ....and anticipate for your awakening, where as soon as you do, I fear to death or put to death. Why do you want me dead?
For so long, and not a day of bright light. Since the day I stood again on my own ground, you watched me from above, and never let me go. You said I would sink and disappear, that's why you pulled my ponytail to keep me floating. But do you know it hurts even more?
I wish I could thank you for all you've given me, good and bad. But I really don't know how, or with what? It's like as if I am served a cup of lustful coffee, when rule says I must drink it while chewing Garlic halves. The experience stinks. Yet for the cup of coffee, I agreed.
July 02 晴天的那一日this all is just part of life, no matter how tough things get.
Maybe this is fate, maybe it's pure luck. Why did I meet him? Where did all the feeling come from? I wish to know the reason, it might all be written in a book somewhere in heaven, and only God knows why...
There are a lot of things that cannot be explained on this world, and I don't plan to fake an explanation for everything. I just follow my gut feeling, and take each step the way I wanted.
You may claim that I am not caring for you, but by doing so, I make myself happy, and that decreases all the pain you would feel from an unhappy me (where I'd torture myself and torture you in nonexistent space).
If I will ever have the chance, I'd like to ask God to where our path leads. I'd hope he tells us if all our sufferings and pain would go away. I'd hope he tells us if all our love and fear would come together to form a better tomorrow.
One day, our skies will clear. One day, the space between us will disappear. You will have me, and I will have you....entirely, from inside to out. Perhaps only till then, will you believe me, and so I can give you my heart and soul to hold into the Foreverland....... June 11 In BeijingI'm in Beijing. A little bit bored and somewhat clueless about how to get around this city........oops.
Anyone in Beijing? Wanna hang out? Give me a call...you know my number. :)
I'll be waiting... April 28 I'm so internationalI did a face match. i.e. matching my face to celebrities...and something funny happened there.
The website:
I matched with 10 celebs, across several races and nationalities. It's interesting...how could I, typical chinese, match to so many different types of faces?
conclusion:
1. their system has problems
2. all celebrity look the same: there is universal identification of "beauty" regardless of country, race, and ethnicity. (not sure ethnicity is an actual word)
3. My features conincide with beauty definitions of some parts of the face, but in reality, their sad combination on my face isn't impressive at all. Else why would I be here....
BTW these are the celebs who matched with me....give it a laugh.
郑秀雯－73%
巩俐－71%
Namie Amuro (安室奈美惠)－64%
BoA－64%
Tia Carrere－64%
Cho Ji-Woo－64％
金喜善－63%
Song Hye-Kyo－62%
Mai Kuraki－61%
Zhang Ziyi－61%
Sade Adu－61%
April 14 chocolate or eggs?最近这几天呢，就是非常的忙啦…………这些日子没有太老实的呆在学校里学习，倒是经常出去跑跑闹闹，跟不同的人打交道。认识了很多人，也学到了很多知识。我发现这些人都有共同点：会瞎掰。表面上他们很能说。当你发现自己被他们说的投入的迷迷登登的时候，step back. 再用理智的大脑分析一下，你会发现他们说的那么多话，实际上都只有一个简单的意思……（意思是啥，自己总结）
最近的生活比较烦。虽然比较平静，但是并不简单，也不是非常的顺利。我发现我每天都在either匆忙的赶某节课迟交的作业，或者就是坐在电视机前假装没有看到书桌上落了50cm高的作业。一边嘀咕“明天再赶，又不是没赶过”，一边吃花生米看talk show。反反复复，生活实际上真的是很无聊。
我大概每个周末都会有1－2个小时假在假装很闲。在过去的几个星期里，这几个小时都得到了很好的利用－I spent that 1-2 hrs on the phone. Not talking to anyone, but talking to their voicemails. Sometimes, I could speak up to 100 people. 他们的共同点就是：都不在。
我大概每个星期都会有1－3天处于24小时忙碌状态。但往往在这些天，我的朋友们却都变得很闲……左一个电话“打牌吧”又一个电话“看电影吧”。搞得我坐卧不安。
我冰箱里有一盒晶莹剔透的big baby tomato. 一个个又红又圆的，很可爱。记得在小学写作文的时候，我总是努力用类似 “又x又x” 一类的词，因为老师会给加分。最夸张的一次，我的一片两页作文（小学3年纪）我用了近20个又……而且得到了老师的严重批评，说我太罗嗦。哦，那次也是形容西红柿……so back to tomatos. 当你经常和一个厌恶番茄的人一起吃饭，超市里再美丽漂亮性感的西红柿你都别想碰上一下。就算你偷偷摸摸把他们带回家了，可怜的它们也只能得到冷落的待遇。所以好不容易有个独餐的机会，我决定把所有的番茄都那出来，一次吃个够。
可惜我不太会做饭。所谓爱吃西红柿，我也只是爱吃“鸡蛋炒西红柿”和“西红柿炒鸡蛋”两样菜。而且我更爱吃里面的鸡蛋…………所以，我拿出了一盒写着“medium" 的鸡蛋。可是里面的蛋却是超大号的………………
由此我要引入下一个话题：what's in life?
记得出国后我看的第一个电影Forest Gump(1994)里面有这么一句话：“life is like a box of chocolate. You never know what you're gonna get.” (这是我唯一听懂的一句话，因为 it talked about chocolate.) 我一直觉得Mr.Gump举的这个例子不太准确。Why? Pls answer ("yes" to) the questions below...…:
Instructions: Pls answer Yes or No to each of the questions below:
……you buy your chocoloate right? (correct answer: Yes)
……and you usually buy it from a chocolate store right? (correct answer: Yes)
……and you don't usually pick a box of chocolate randomly cause price varies, right? (correct answer: Yes)
……and so you CHOOSE a box to buy right? (correct answer: Yes)
……and when you choose, you look for a description of what's in the box, right? (correct answer: Yes)
……plus you can't eat too much chocolate cause it can make you look like an elephant, so you choose your favorite flavor, right? (correct answer: Yes)
(Don't answer the next question if you have short term memory loss)
……so you know what's in your box of chocolate right? (correct answer: Yes)
If you've answered YES to all the questions above, then you've just agreed with me in that Mr. Gump's example in inadequate, and that life is not like a box of chocolate, AND please read on.
(If you answered NO to any of the questions above, think again, and answer YES. And Read On.)
..............................................
But life is different. You can't choose the flavor of your life, and you definitly don't know what the hell is in your box (life) until you eat them all....(die)
So, I am offering a correction to Gump's example.
"Life is like a box of eggs. Although it says it is medium size, you never know if you'll get a box bigger than medium, or a box smaller than medium." (and sometimes it all just depend on the standard deviation of your size measurement...or...preference.)
Lucky enough, my box of "medium eggs" turned out to be gigantic eggs....soo happily, I went on with my cooking, and enjoyed my eggs (and tomatos).
Agree? Disagree? March 17 hmmm....any thoughts?I'm just another girl....simple as that. hoho
March 14 perfect major
March 03 QuestionaireFound this off of a friend's blog. Her answers were entertaining, so I decided to try the questions myself...So here goes~~~~
1.最近在看的电视：
Picturing that movie I wish I had the time to make....... Developing good learning/studying habits. I've realized that I probably can't live a life without ever studying, and so I've been told, it's never too late to start~ (Anyone believe me that I've never studied for ANYTHING since birth? until now?.......I DO! )
Can I be happy? Can I be myself? Can I have time to play juat a LITTLE bit? Can I have just one extra hour of sleep? Can I have one more day in the weekend? Can I have....another midterm? (there's a reason to this...but don't ask.)
Professors from last semester. Why were they so nice? This semester, all my profs are female. and that is something I clearly DON"T LIKE. My profs from last semester were JUST so nice....my god. This semester, all the lady profs are friendly, but not nice, and I don't like this environment of all females! It's a little bit disturbing. Next semester, I'm gona take male prof's classes, no matter what. Don't like Duke Female Profs...... Mental condition: Poor Right after I receive my paycheck. Right after I dance... Dunno. My friendship selection is a random process that follows a student t distribution...
32.出洋相很糗时被人看到，当时场面巨大，或者是此人乃重要人物并希望留给其好印象，那你当时要怎么办？
抢答题:希望拥有何种超能力?
Get what I want for the rest of my life.
I have left the toy season for a long time...
C'MON, Let's PUsh The Limits
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Invite as friend
and some randomly selected movies that Sean downloaded...I'm sure he had a matter of choice, but to me, they are all random.